When I shared we were starting the adoption process people were shocked. Shocked because I was sharing the fact that pregnancy wasn’t coming as easily as people said it would because if we wanted it then it would happen. Shocked that a black woman was saying she was struggling with something because we’re supposed to be so strong. Shocked that a black couple was open to adoption because black people don’t adopt. Shocked that we would take a doctor’s word for it when they said we needed IVF. But here we are. For years we struggled in silence. Every “why aren’t you pregnant? When are you going to have a baby? What’s taking so long?” question got harder and harder to brush off with “when it happens it happens”. But they didn’t know I spent the night before crying myself to sleep because I had yet another negative pregnancy test.
Almost 4 years. That’s 48 times I’ve been disappointed. 48 times I’ve calculated my potential due date. 48 times I planned how I’d tell Solomon it finally happened. 48 weeks I spent anxious and praying my period wouldn’t start. By the way... telling someone who struggles with infertility to “stop trying and it will happen” is like telling someone looking for a job “just stop putting in applications and you’ll get hired.” Or telling an obese person “just stop working out and the weight will come off.” Just because it came easy to you or someone you know that doesn’t mean it will come easy to everyone else. So stop telling people that. It isn’t helpful and very frustrating to hear. •
So if you’re struggling with infertility just know you’re not alone. It’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to skip baby showers or unfollow feeds that make you upset. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re less than because you can’t get pregnant, have to do IUI, IVF, an egg donor, a sperm donor, a surrogate/gestational carrier, embryo adoption or adoption to become a parent. We all have a story to tell, some of just have a little more struggle in ours.
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Top: IVF Got This
Necklace: Lovely Little Acorns
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